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Chaos inside an empty mind

Day 2 5:12 am, I woke with a sleepy head and started my day with misogynistic songs, preparing for Deadlift day. On the way to gym I saw a person lying on wet street at 4 °C and showed my gratitude for whatever I've been given. On the way back I was listening to "Like you do" by Joji and realized that I'm not sacred of leaving people behind me anymore, the lonelier it gets the free I feel. I started to like being lonely and often question myself why do I get sad at the same time? I've spent most of my life alone and whenever have I tried to make bond with people it always costed me my mental health, I've had a lot of friends in my teenage but only with few I used to feel safe with or call it "home" but it didn't matter to them as I saw them moving apart further and further, maybe my sadness lies within it. 10:45am, After a light breakfast I decided to make a video about the blog. To prepare merely a 30sec video it took me 2hours having to write a...
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Day 1 (New Years Day 2023)

(1/02/2023) A New Year 2022 was bit harsh for my mental health. Expectations, disappointments, reality of life and people were the main genre of the year. Lost some friends (closest ones) for whom I was there, lost someone I happened to started love after 3 years and a lover who never was. As it’s the new year now with same energy, I went down check on mother and dad they were doing fine my dad bought bran whiskey to celebrate, mother watching her sitcoms and Davud Akhundzada’s vlogs. I haven’t spoken a single word for like 2hrs I’m just laying on my bed with complete silence because nothing seems so make feel me better these days, just staring at  the curtains. Life’s been weird and quiet all I do is wake up follow the same routine(a healthy one) and spend rest of the day staring at the ceiling and missing people by stalking them in the mid of trying to move on from them. Sometime I wake up in midnight and walk out bare foots looking at the sky, the shining stars, the moon wit...
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